It has occurred to me that there’s a lack of clarity in who I am and what I do. Through no fault of anyone but me. I've told many clients on many occasions that EVERYTHING in your life is connected someway somehow, and so the unclear response of, "Who is Hollis and what does she do?" is directly connected to my own uncertainty to that question.
With less than 100 days left in 2018 (WHERE THE HELL DID THE TIME GO?!). I've found myself in that space yet again. The opportunity to reevaluate self, tweak accordingly and create something new if need be. But here's the thing....how many times is too many? How many times should one recreate who they are? Does the recreating mean a person is inconsistent and inauthentic? Or does it just mean they've reached a new level or layer of self, and so adjusting and creating accordingly is necessary?
Does any of this make sense to anyone else but me?
I say all of this to say that I KNOW there are others who get into this funk of "WHO THE HELL AM I and WHAT AM I DOING?”
I'm convinced that this is the stage one gets to right before another huge breakthrough. The way I see it, you have two options here:
1. You can ignore this stage or stay stuck here. In which case you are of the mindset that this is it or this is enough. (No shade or judgement. Some of us are good where we are and that's it.)
2. You can push thru the fear of not knowing and embrace the process; embrace it to the point that you fall in love with it. The other day I was watching The View with my Gram (she loves this "better than that Wendy Williams" her exact words), and they were interviewing Jane Fonda. Someone asked the question of how she deals with fear and her response was, “I love up on it until I am so in love with it, I have no choice but to get thru it.” Ultimately, LOVE is always the answer. Now she followed this statement with, "but I'm clear I'm a white woman with privilege and so I recognize my fear can be easier to fall in love with than say a person of color"... a completely different topic for another time but I really wanted to note that and say I f'cks with Jane for this one! ANYWAY, she hit the nail on the head. LOVE IS the answer.
(Really?!? What's not to love about Jane?!?)
In my case, I haven't been very "loving" of myself. Something easy to do when you're out here holding space and loving others (not an excuse because I SHOULD be loving me first). The lack of clarity in who I am and what I do is a DIRECT result of me not being very loving to myself. And being loving to self doesn't just mean positive affirmations. It means am I being mindful of what I'm putting into my body? Am I being mindful of my consistency and discipline in doing all the things I've set out to do? Am I being impeccable with my word; not just to others but also to myself? Am I being patient with my mind, body, spirit and heart? Am I being loving? In how I operate when I'm in love, am I carrying that into how I care for myself? And if I'm being honest about answering these questions (truthfully all of them have been "no"), how am I shifting (in a loving way) to get back on track?
I have all the solutions but no action. So today, writing this is my action. It's my accountability to self and I HOPE it offers some kind of inspiration to you reading this as well. At the least, we owe it to ourselves to be reminded that we are and always have been of pure love. We may have shifted a bit and forgotten, but this writing piece is here to serve as the reminder.
So how bout it friend?!? Let's get to "lovin’" ourselves!
And to answer the question: "Who TF am I?"
Well I'm just a girl, standing in front of a mirror, asking said reflection to love me! (Corny I know! But I had to do it!)
No really! Here's who TF I am!
I'm Hollis Gray. The girl who has shifted and recreated herself so many times that it's become a thing. A thing I'm proud of! I'm the girl who will motivate the F*ck out of you! The girl who will continue to ask the hard question of WHO ARE YOU?!? And expect the truthful answer! I'm also a Wellness Coach, A Reiki Master, A Retreat Experience Connoisseur, a DOPE Chef, a LOVER, a Taurus to the T, and let my partner tell it- The JUICIEST BOSS SHE KNOWS!
NOW RUN TELL DAT!
Be Well. Be You. And most of all: Be LOVE.
(THIS IS ME! HOLLIS JUICY GRAY)